3 Reasons Why Change Is Difficult And What To Do About ItJul 05, 2023
It is pretty easy to think that you are finally making a change in life. However, taking action on your conscious desire for transformation is always a challenging task. In this episode, Yanet Borrego breaks down the three main reasons that hinder people from undergoing a complete change. She breaks down how to stay away from the dangers of plateau and avoid self-sabotage. Yanet also emphasizes the importance of working with a professionally trained coach or therapist to help you determine and properly address your blind spots.
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3 Reasons Why Change Is Difficult And What To Do About It
When I first got certified as a leadership coach and speaker back in 2015 under the Joel Maxwell team, I was still working in my corporate job as an engineer in the supply chain department. When I finished the certification, I knew immediately that that's what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I fell in love with guiding people to access their inner wisdom and resourcefulness, whatever they have inside of them already. There are so many times when we think we have to rely on external factors for us to accomplish our goals. As a coach, I help clients to access their internal tools and resources to make anything happen. When I finished my certification, I knew one day I was going to make my vision happen of becoming a full-time coach and speaker.
I reached out to someone who was working for the same company I was working for but in 2022, she had transitioned from her corporate career to a full-time yoga and studio owner. She had her studio. She was a yoga teacher there and was teaching. I was like, "That's who I want to become but in the area of coaching and speaking." I reached out to her quickly. I was like, "I want to take you to dinner and pick your brain. I want to know everything you did to get there and model your successful behavior of becoming an entrepreneur. Not only that but also dedicating your career to what fires you up so you can create a bigger impact in the people around you."
We went to dinner and I was talking to her. I was trying to get all her wisdom. She gave me one piece of advice and I realize how important it was. The one piece of advice was, "Yanet, start creating content consistently. It doesn't have to be every week but at least once a month while you're still working on your corporate job. If you start growing that community of creating content, that can be super powerful." I told her, "I'm going to do it. I'm committed." She was like, "I'm going to reach out a month or two months after and see how you're doing."
I went back home. I did three different posts on my blog and then I stopped. Exactly 1 month or 2 months after, I don't remember very well, she texted me to check on me. My response was, "I didn't do it." I probably gave several excuses. Honestly, she never checked on me again because probably she thought at that moment it was probably true that I wasn't taking it seriously.
I want to ask you. Have you been there before? Have you been in a place where you wanted to do something but you didn't follow through? This happens so many times. I see it in my clients and myself at times. When we have conscious desires of wanting to do something, it doesn't mean that we are going to do it because change happens at the subconscious level. You may want to accomplish a goal but if your subconscious programming, beliefs, emotions and internal states are not supporting the conscious desire, you are going to self-sabotage yourself in ways that you cannot even see it.
All of us have blind spots. That's why it's so important to work with someone external to you who is professionally trained, like a coach or therapist who can help you point to those blind spots so you can take action and start making a change that is sustainable and consistent. It happens to all of us because we are human. When that happens to you, I want you to be compassionate and graceful towards yourself. It's pretty common that we fall off track whenever we are trying to do something new. As I always say, the most important thing is to go back on track. Part of that important thing is to also check with your subconscious programming, which I'm going to talk about a little bit in this episode.
I want to share all the lessons about this experience that I went through back in 2015 and what stops most people from creating change. This is knowledge. Knowledge is potential power. Action is real power. At the end of the episode, I don't want you to say, "Yanet, I knew this content. I have this knowledge." Are you doing something with it? That's the most important piece of information. You got to apply the knowledge that you are getting in this episode.
I was listening to this guy. He's a super successful entrepreneur. He was talking about learning and failing forward. I love his definition of learning, which he probably got it from someone else and that's okay because we all leverage the same knowledge and content. He was saying how learning is behaving differently. Learning is being in the same context of the same situation and choosing differently. That's how you learn. If you are in the same context and situation and you keep behaving the same way, it means that you haven't learned anything yet. How you know you are learning is that you are choosing and behaving differently.
If you just keep behaving the same way, you haven’t learned anything yet. You know you are learning only if you start to choose and behave differently.
This is important to keep in mind when you find yourself consuming some self-help content and saying, "I know this already." Okay, but are you applying it? That's what matters. If you're applying it, it means that you don't know it already because you're not experiencing and learning from your experience. This is important because all these lessons that I'm going to teach in this episode are lessons that I learned after I didn't follow through with my goals. I've applied exactly what I'm going to share with you.
I'm happy to say, honestly, these last few years, I've been the most consistent I've been in years. I've also observed this behavior with my coaching clients as I teach them the same framework and lessons. I'm sure that if you are committed to your growth, you tune in to this content and apply it, you are going to get the results. I said testimony to this so you just don't believe what I'm saying.
This is episode number 85 of this show. These are 85 weekly episodes that I've done. I've only missed one week and it was because I was thinking of switching this show from weekly to biweekly. To be honest, it's a huge investment of time, energy and money. I have a team that works in the background to make sure this content gets to you. I decided to prioritize honestly the free value all of you are getting because it's worth it. I received so many messages via social media and text messages from all of you saying how much value this content adds to your life so I decided to keep it going.
I've been going strong since a few years back. Mainly, this episode is huge evidence of what I'm teaching you. If you apply it, it's going to work. It's not a matter of if. It's a matter of when and when is your decision, when you're going to apply all these amazing lessons and strategies that I'm going to share with you. What are the three reasons why most people feel that change is difficult and what to do about it?
Lack of Clarity
The number one reason is lack of clarity. Lack of clarity is related to two main elements. The first element is the lack of awareness of what has been stopping you from you to follow through with your goals. For most people, what's stopping them is fear. In that case, back in 2015, I wrote three blogs and I was afraid to do more because I thought I was going to fail. I didn't even know how to measure if people were reading it. I was afraid of uncertainty and therefore I stopped.
The second element I'm going to discuss is I also wasn't connected to my why. I didn't have a strong why that would get me through the challenges of life and building a new skill and habit. Yes, I knew a lot of self-help content but was I applying it? Probably not at its fullest. That's why I'm here reminding you. It doesn't matter if you know this consciously but are you taking action? Part of taking action is also building that subconscious programming within yourself to support your conscious desire.
To be honest with you, change happens in a matter of seconds. I've seen it with my clients. Even before we start the coaching sessions, we have one day that is a breakthrough session. It is a full session focused on an in-depth analysis of the client and their detailed history where we get to identify the core root causes of their limiting beliefs and the negative emotions. We get to release all of them with this clinically proven technique and this amazing technique that works every single time called mental and emotional release. It's also called timeline therapy in other sub-modalities. It's so effective.
I've gotten so many testimonials. One of the most transformational for me was two clients, which were experiencing postpartum depression. This is the extreme case. Most of my clients are not experiencing postpartum depression or depression in general. These two clients were in the low times of their lives. They went through this technique. I always explained the why, the how and the what. These breakthrough sessions take five hours. I divided it into two days, for the most part, unless you want to go fully and do it the same day. For most people, it can be a lot so I try to be flexible with the timing.
We went through this breakthrough session after we finished, release all that baggage and did the forgiveness technique meditation that I also do. They felt new. One of them was a dear friend too. I'm still in contact with her. She's doing great after the breakthrough session and after we coach. The other one was doing amazing and I've been four months with her. It works based on my experience, my client's experience and everyone else that I know. I know a couple of people that have done MER, Mental and Emotional Release.
Getting clear on your blind spots and on what's stopping you from getting there is important because you cannot start new goals or create new things when you haven't cleaned your internal house first. You got to clean your internal house first. You got to release to allow space for new habits and goals. That's important.
You can journal or write down, "What is stopping me from achieving the goals I want to achieve?" For most people, it's fear of failure, fear of judgment or fear of uncertainty. Even within that fear, there is an event that happened earlier on in your life. Most of these events happen from age 0 to 7 which started creating that baggage.
After that baggage was created, more events happened later on that reinforced that limiting belief or negative emotion. If you believe in past lives, this could have been a past life too. It could even have been in the womb where you are a sole human being already. There are so many reasons why but finding the root cause of that fear that you're experiencing and why it's stopping you from getting there is so important.
The second piece of lack of clarity is about defining your why, your long-term vision or direction. When I work with clients, what I realize and it happened to me even back in 2015 in this situation, is most people lack a vision. Most people haven't stopped to strategically define, "Whom would I like to be ideally a few years from now?" Not that you are necessarily going to get there but it's an ability and permission for yourself to start dreaming and defining a potential future with no boundaries.
Most of the day, we go through life thinking of our limitations and 80% of the thoughts we experience are negative. Part of defining your why is focusing on what you want. Who do you want to be? What are the things you want to be doing? What are the things you have? What are the goals that are going to take you closer to that North Star vision?
Remember, the North Star vision is a North Star. It's a guiding mechanism. I wouldn't have survived back then, to be honest with you. The old sailors, when they didn't have GPS, would use the North Star as a mechanism to know where the North was and if they were in the right direction. Were they meant to reach that North Star? No, the North Star is in the sky. The purpose of having that North Star vision is to shoot for the moon so you land in the stars. Shoot high so you push the boundaries of what you know and you can grow. That's the whole purpose of having that wide vision.
Another important purpose is as you work through new goals and as you build new habits, you are going to hit obstacles and roadblocks. You are going to have many days where you are going to feel like you don't want to show up and you are not motivated. Having that strong why, as long as you focus on it, has the potential and power to pull you out of that zone, not feeling motivated and not feeling like you don't want to. Despite how you feel, you'll have the ability to show up because your why is way stronger and bigger than any temporary limitation.
That's where people so many times get stuck because they don't have a vision and they don't know where they're going. They feel like they're showing up but there is no meaning and purpose. I spend a couple of weeks with my clients honing this clear vision well because that’s a framework for everything else that follows after the breakthrough session.
I would love to share one of my coaching clients' testimonials. She talks about overcoming her fears because she has a clear purpose and why. This is her. "I've gained a new level of respect for myself. I’m no longer making excuses but feeling brave enough to face my fears. I’m enjoying a newfound curiosity to explore what I previously thought were unrealistic goals. I’m having the determination to make them real. It's a state of mind everyone should have the privilege of experiencing. You can read all the self-help in the world but having a coach like Yanet to talk, brainstorm, guide and help me clearly see what's been in front of me this whole time is priceless."
As a coach, I believe you have all the resources you need to succeed. It's within you. I guide you to go within. Access those resources and that inner wisdom so you don't have to depend all the time on external circumstances to make you happy. You don't have to wait for that promotion or that perfect partner. You can find that within yourself. It is a journey of gaining clarity and getting to know yourself. That's why I love that part. When you also know your why well, you're going to overcome rejection a lot easier. Your self-worth and confidence are going to be way stronger because you know that you are worth it and that you're capable. That vision that you have is also possible.
It's like Paula said in this testimonial. Goals that she thought were unrealistic goals and having the determination to make them real. She was an amazing client and I'm so honored to be able to coach her. She's studying for her MBA, which was something that she thought at that moment was unrealistic and too much of a risk but she's going through it and loving it. She's so happy.
That's what a coach does to you. It allows you to realign with who you are already. You're going to realign with who you are already if you're not asking those questions and investing that time and effort to get to know yourself. That's the first reason, the lack of clarity when it comes to your why but also when it comes to knowing your blind spots and what's stopping you from getting there. Know those fears and limiting beliefs that are stopping you.
The second reason is accountability and having someone or a support system that believes in you in moments when you don't even believe in yourself. We talk about accountability all the time. There is so much research behind it. Accountability can be like a friend who can hold you accountable. It can be your partner if he's someone that can hold you accountable. It can be also a coach who encourages you and sometimes sees that vision for yourself that you are afraid of embracing. Accountability is super important. There are even accountability groups.
When I was building my digital course, I invested in a program from my marketing mentor. Within her program and digital course, you could form accountability groups with other people. I had 2 others, 1 of them was a coach and 1 was a musician. They were amazing accountability partners. Also, I thanked them for finishing my course. Not only that but for launching it because one of them went first. After she did it, I'm like, "I'm motivated to do it too." The journey is not linear and perfect. It's okay to embrace who we are."
Sometimes people feel better when working out and going to group classes because they feel more accountable and their trainer is watching them do the thing versus doing them by themselves. To be honest with you, the ideal version is to transcend any external help and rely on yourself but there is a journey to get there. That journey takes lots of repetition and it takes time and effort.
Willingness To Give Up
The third reason why people find change difficult is that they don't ask this question when they're making decisions or establishing new goals or habits. Also, when they're committing to new programs, a coach or a therapist. This question is, "What are you willing to give up to adopt this new behavior and goal and follow through with this skill and habit?" Something got to give. Even when clients coach with me, they're showing up differently. They dedicated one hour every week of their schedule on their calendar to work on themselves. That takes effort, time and showing up in ways they haven't shown up before. There is something that has to give if you think about it.
Working out. What are you not doing to work out? Maybe watching TV or not working 12 hours every day. There are so many things. What are you willing to give up to adopt this new behavior? There is something always that you'll have to give up. The more you reflect on it, the more congruent you feel with change and the more congruent you feel with your decision.
When I transition back in 2021 from my corporate career to full-time entrepreneurship, I asked myself this question very clearly, "What am I willing to give up?" I was willing to give up my six figures salary, my benefits and in a way being a contrarian, meaning that I'm doing what most people are not. Most of them don't even want to do it and that's okay. Embracing a new identity also allows you to embrace a new community and friends.
Thankfully, I have a lot of friends and I keep in touch with most people from my corporate career, which I'm grateful for. I had to think through this very important question for me to make a smoother transition. There are plenty of challenges in the transition but one of those challenges was not unforeseen consequences. In my mind, I already had a clear view of the consequence of going from employee to entrepreneur. The consequence is in a not-so-positive way and also in a very positive way. After weighing the pros and cons, my why was so strong that I knew I was going to do it. Why are you willing to give up?
You have known this knowledge. What is one thing from this knowledge that you're going to take and start implementing? If you don't change your behavior, then you haven't learned anything. That applies to me too and everyone. If you change your behavior under the same context, then that's a huge sign that you have learned something. If you still show up and keep repeating the same patterns, then you haven't learned anything. It's important for us to change our behavior and embrace the learnings of all the knowledge we are gathering every single time. I hope this episode was super helpful.
I want to summarize quickly the three reasons why most people find change difficult. It’s because there is a lack of clarity when it comes to your why and blind spots. Those internal things like limiting beliefs, negative emotions and baggage are stopping you from getting there. The second reason is accountability and having someone in our community that supports you and enables your dreams. They push you whenever you are not ready to believe in yourself. They believe in yourself and they tell you that you are capable.
Also, accountability to make sure that as you're taking action, someone keeps you accountable and reminds you that the journey that you're going through is going to be worth it. For every cause, there is an effect. For every action, there is a reaction. If you put in effort and energy, the fruit of your labor will be imminent. They'll come, no matter what. That's the love universe and energy.
The last one is reflecting and having radical honesty with yourself in terms of what are you willing to give up to adopt this new behavior and change. If you reflect on that honestly and commit to it, change may be challenging at times but it's not going to be as difficult so it's important to embrace this. I hope you enjoyed this content. I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to share with all of you.
I want to remind you that I have a couple of coaching spots opening up. I'm finishing with a couple of clients. I work with a small group of one-on-one clients at the same time. If this is something that interests you, please reach out. The clarity call will be 45 minutes free. We get to connect. I get to understand where you're heading and what are your limitations. If I can help you, I'll let you know. If we are not a good fit for some reason, we can also talk about it and I can help you define your path forward. I hope you have an amazing time. I'll see you next time. Bye-bye.
- Clarity Call
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