7 Self-Sabotaging Patterns That Keep You StuckSep 26, 2023
Unlock your potential by breaking free from self-sabotage and embracing the power of self-commitment, action, and self-love. Your journey to greatness starts within.
Are you tired of feeling stuck, unable to reach your true potential? It's time to break free from the self-sabotaging patterns that have been holding you back. Join us in this eye-opening episode as host Yanet Borrego dives into the core of self-sabotage and reveals seven powerful patterns that may be keeping you from living your best life. From fear of commitment and lack of empowerment to waiting until crisis hits, Yanet dissects the 7 destructive patterns that hinder us from growth and guides us to overcome these self-sabotaging patterns. Tune in now and start living a life filled with purpose, fulfillment, and abundance. Your future self will thank you.
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7 Self-Sabotaging Patterns That Keep You Stuck
We are growing and expanding. As an entrepreneur, you are figuring things out as you go. Thank you so much for still being loyal to the show, this mission, and vision of empowering the world of each one of us stepping into the person we are meant to be so we can add the most value we can to this world and we can continue serving. I appreciate you. I can't say enough of that. Thank you for reading.
I am super excited about this topic because this is a topic that has been coming up in my mind over and over. I always joke that when I'm in the shower, I've written at least 5 or 6 books because the content hits me every time. I was showering, then this topic hit me and I'm like, “I need to do something about it.” The topic for this episode is the seven self-sabotaging patterns that keep you stuck. When I say keep you stuck, it means that it prevents you from continuing the growth in this journey. When you are feeling stuck, there are two reasons.
One, you stop growing. You don't know how to step up and how to level up. Another reason can be you stop contributing. You stop finding meaning in the things you are doing. You stop finding that purpose in your day-to-day, in maybe your job or your business. It's important because the key to a fulfilled, happy, and abundant life is growth and contribution. Those two elements are key enablers for you to live a life of joy and live a life worth living.
We are going to discuss these seven self-sabotaging patterns that keep you stuck. If you enjoy this episode, please share it with a friend or family member. We are here to continue empowering each other. Let's go to the first pattern. These patterns are based on my experience and based on my experience with the coaching clients I've had because, at the end of the day, we are all human beings. I can see patterns that repeat.
It doesn't matter what your background is, where you're coming from, or who you are. We all have similar behaviors or negative patterns that keep repeating. Pattern 1) “I can do it myself. I can figure it out. I don't need help. I don't need to delegate anything.” I had an amazing coaching client. She has a daughter. She's a new mom. Her daughter is 4 or 5 years old. If I remember well, she was like, “I have so much going on. I'm working from 9:00 to 5:00 and focusing on my daughter. I have a husband. I have all of these things going on.”
I was like, “Why don't you hire some help? Do you have the financial means?” “Yes, I have the financial means.” “Why you don't hire someone?” She was like, “I can do it myself. No worries.” We end up exploring deeper what, “I can do it myself,” means. Many times, that is rooted in feeling some beliefs of unworthiness because only the people who ask for help or support and who are willing to invest in someone else to help them have higher self-worth than the people who think they can do everything themselves.
Only the people that are willing to invest in themselves are willing to invest in someone else to help them.
I'm sure you have heard this quote that says, “Alone, you can get far, but with the team, you can get much farther.” If you look at these big organizations, visions, missions, or social movements, maybe they started with one person, but they started becoming influential when a team and community of people came together. You deserve to have your own village to help you, maybe with your kid or business.
I used to run this pattern. I used to think, “I can do it myself. I don't need to hire a mentor or a coach. I don't need to delegate help,” but then I realized, “Why not enlist help so other people can help me and I can focus on the things I enjoy, that add value, and that are more strategic?” This applies to your family life, career, and business. The only way you can grow, scale, and be happier is by building a team of people.
I remember the first time I hired my first coach ever, which was a long time ago, or the first time I invested in training or certification. I started to dig deeper within myself and understand that the I-can-do-it-myself mindset is a possibility, but it's going to take me way longer than working with someone who has paved the path and working with someone who has a formula already that works. I can do that formula. I can customize it, but I can learn so much from people who have already gone before me. That's why mentorship and coaching are important.
In my case, I'm a self-mastery coach. I help people fulfill their potential with clarity, confidence, and courage. I help them manifest what they truly deserve by being who they are meant to be so that they can figure it out. My formula works, and it works relatively fast. My program is six months. It's a lifelong journey. After that, you still need to keep putting in effort like anything else I am working out.
Isn't it way faster, more efficient, and strategic to enlist that help? “I can do it myself,” is a self-sabotaging pattern that is rooted in feeling some beliefs of, “I'm not worth in getting support. I'm not worth getting that help.” You can change it. I used to run this pattern and now I'm a master of enlisting help. I've hired a marketing team and operations business manager. All of that has gone in return because I put effort and action. I don't have the minimum doubt. It will get whatever you decide to invest in, if it is help from a nanny, a coach like me, or anyone else, it's going to be totally worth it.
Self-sabotaging Pattern #1: "I can do it myself."
That client that I mentioned at the beginning of the episode ended up hiring that nanny, but she had to overcome those feelings of feeling unworthy and that she didn't deserve that help. When she didn't, she was happy. She was able to find more time somewhere else to enjoy more life, to know that she was worth getting that help. That's the first pattern, “I can do it myself.” You can, but wouldn't it be faster to get help from someone else? You even feel better because human beings are meant to belong. We are meant to be sharing this journey in the community.
I hired a physical trainer or another team member. He's the husband of one of my friends. She was my coaching client. I could do it myself. I could watch YouTube videos and try how to lift weights, but he knows better. He knows the right form and physical therapy. The other day I was like, “My knee hurts. I think my knees are messed up.”
He was like, “It's not your knees. It’s upstream of your knee. It's your quad.” I was foam rolling and I realized that I had a big knot, which I have a massage and I'm deeply scared of the pain I'm going to feel, but I'm ready. I could have done that myself. It would have taken me much longer to do it right. With his help, he can teach me. He can show me the way and the ropes already.
Self-sabotaging Pattern #2: Fear Of Commitment
The second self-sabotaging pattern that prevents you from growing is a fear of commitment. The fear of commitment to yourself, committing to a journey, and consistently showing up. For that, you need accountability if you are someone who has been inconsistent in the path. We all have been there. Consistency is not perfection. When you are trying new things, it's natural that you're going to get off track. It's normal. That's a good sign. That means you're trying something new.
The key thing is to get back on to exercise that muscle of resilience. The fear of commitment, when I talk about that, is whenever we are like, “I want to try this for one month and see if it works for me,” then we try one month. One month is not enough to generate meaningful results. We are like, “It didn't work. I'm leaving.” You don't commit to doing it long enough.
I was having brunch with one of my friends and she was telling me, “Do you know how long are you going to do the physical training program?” I told her, “I'm going to do it for six months. I'm going to commit to six months because my coaching program is a six-month program. I believe when you start showing up consistently, not perfectly, for six months, that's when you truly start seeing transformational results. You start seeing them before that. You can see many wins before that, but showing up for six months is a huge win.”
I have many of my clients finishing the six months and saying, “Was that it?” Six months is not as long as it sounds. It goes by so quickly. It's September 2023. Can you believe that? Six months is half of a year. How many years are you going to leave? It's crazy. Fear committing is when you have 1 foot in and 1 foot out, and you're like, “I want to try it, but I want to make sure it's right for me.” You do it, but you don't go all in.
Whenever you're trying something like physical training, trying to lose weight, getting in shape, a new habit, a new meditation technique, even coaching, or whatever it is, you have to be in it for six months at least. One of the best advice my uncle gave me, and I mention him in every episode because he made such a big transformation in my life that I want to honor him every time I can. That's how much I love him and my grandmother. They passed away in the last few years. It was a tough and challenging time for me. To keep him alive in my presence, I always mention him because there are many advices he gave me. He can completely change my life in ways that I couldn't even see at that moment.
We were talking about meditation because he was the one who taught me about meditation back in 2012 when I was a baby. We were talking about meditation because we both have this book of 100 meditation techniques. He told me, “You have to find what resonates with you and what gets you the results.” The only thing you can trust is your experience. In order to trust your experience, you need to do something for a good amount of time. Ideally, you try one meditation technique consistently for six months. After that, you look back. You see if you enjoyed it or if it resonated with you. If it did, you keep doing it. If it didn't, then change it up.
In order to trust your experience, you need to do something for a good amount of time.
At least for six months, that's the time and sometimes this self-sabotaging pattern of fear of commitment is because we are afraid to commit to ourselves. We think that it's committing to someone else, a service, a program, or to whoever else. When you are fear of committing to someone else, it does mean that you are afraid of committing to yourself and your journey.
At the end of the day, this goes back to you feeling you are not worthy of that transformation because everything that is worth does take time and commitment. I remember someone saying, “Do not say commitment when you're talking to potential clients.” I'm like, “I'm going to say commitment because why would I be portraying something that it's not?” You have to commit to the process when it comes to six months of coaching or anything else, but that commitment is not to the program. That commitment is to yourself literally.
That fear of commitment is rooted in feelings of, “I'm not worthy,” because if you are afraid of committing to a journey or to a process, it means that in the past, you haven't committed to the journey or yourself. Committing to yourself or the journey is breaking the pattern of what you have done in the past. When you break the pattern of what you have done in the past and you start showing up differently, you start getting different results. In order to get different results, which are the ones you're looking for, you have to start showing up and behaving differently. You have to start thinking and feeling differently.
That's exactly what I coach my clients on. It is being that person who is going to attract the right opportunities and notice the right opportunities. I always tell them, “You have all the resources you need within yourself. I'm a guide that is guiding you to get there, but you have all the secrets within yourself. We are just unlocking them.” That's the power of this process.
Fear of commitment is a big self-sabotaging pattern because it doesn't allow you to be present. You feel that you always need to go to the next thing and the next shiny object that prevents you from growing. When you start going and jumping to the next shiny object, there is a belief that starts forming deeply unconsciously within yourself and it's a belief of, “I don't belong there. I don't fit in,” because you're not allowing yourself to create that space. Before you belong, fit in, or feel worthy, you quit.
I believe in quitting when it's not aligned. Many people, and I've been there, quit before they start getting the results. There is this amazing book from Napoleon Hill that is called Three Feet From Gold. It's all about this story of this guy who was looking for gold for a long and quit literally 3 feet before finding that goal. After he quit, someone else continued his path and journey. He found gold 3 feet away from when he gave up. Isn't that crazy? It is a life-changing book. I loved it.
Another thing that I was going to mention here is I love Robin Sharma. He wrote The 5AM Club. It is highly recommend. It's all about waking up early, but it's a long book. The message that he carries is impressive. What he says related to this self-sabotaging pattern is part-time commitment delivers part-time results. If you want to commit part-time, then you're going to get part-time results. The real question is, “What results are you wanting to get?” That will also be linked directly to the commitment that you need to make. That was the second self-pattern.
Self-sabotaging Pattern #3: "What if I make the wrong decision?"
The third one is, “What if I make the wrong decision?” I was coaching a client. She moved to Mexico for this amazing leadership position. She's staying with her mom, but she's trying to find a new apartment. She was telling me, “I'm afraid of making the decision and committing to it because what if it's not the right one?” I reminded her, “Decisions are temporary. You decide with your gut what feels right. You find an apartment that you like, but even if you don't like it one year later, you change it. It's totally okay.”
We are afraid of the permanency of things. Not a single thing is permanent. Everything is temporary, including our lives. What if you make the wrong decision? There is no wrong decision. You can always change it up. Another thing to make decisions is you need data. You are going to get more data only by making decisions. If you make the decision you don't like it, that's data. Utilize it for the next decision. As long as you keep utilizing that data, you're going to be making better decisions.
Another thing is there is no failure, only feedback. Instead of thinking, “What if I make the wrong decision? What if I fail?” With the best information you have, this is not about going crazy, “I want to make fast decisions in order to get more meaningful data so I can make better decisions as soon as possible. This is not about delaying the decision two years from now.” It doesn't make sense. Make decisions whenever you have enough information because that's what you need information. Go for it. Sometimes I tell people, “Give yourself a deadline.”
“In one week, I'm going to gather data. I'm going to notice how I feel.” Tap into your intuition and then go for it. Make the decision. There is no wrong decision. Sometimes we get stuck in this duality of right or wrong. There is no right or wrong. If you go to the criminal justice, there is right or wrong. I'm not saying that. These decisions are not temporary.
In most of the decisions we are worried about, the consequences are minimal. There is not much risk involved. Make a decision that feels right. I have to mention here that whenever we make an aligned decision, it is natural to feel a little bit of fear when you're doing something for the first time. For example, many people that I coach, I've been their first coach for the first time, and then they decide to coach with me again. I've had people that they have coached with me up to 3 or 4 times in different areas of life.
I'm sure that when they decided to hire me for the first time, they didn't even know what a coach was. There was fear naturally. They were like, “What is this? What is the result I'm going to get?” It is normal to feel fear, but as long as you commit to the process, you're open-minded, and you put effort and action, you're going to get results. There is no doubt. It's like going to the gym, doing the workouts, getting well, and not seeing results. That doesn't happen. That doesn't make sense. Believing you is super important. That's the third one.
Self-sabotaging Pattern #4: Lack Of Empowerment
The fourth one, “It's them. It's not me.” It's all about lack of empowerment. It's about pointing the finger at others, maybe blaming some. I love the quote that says, “When you point a finger at someone, look how many fingers are pointing back at you.” If you do it like I'm doing it, at least you have three. Whenever we point out at someone like, “That person is doing this. This manager made me mad,” it is okay to vent for a little bit, but at the end of the day, you got to start asking yourself, “I'm in this situation. That's a fact. What can I learn from this situation? It's hard and challenging, but there has to be a lesson there to learn. If not, I wouldn't be going through this.”
That’s when you go from victim to like, “This is happening to me. Everyone abuses me,” and all of this stuff to creator or some people say, “From victim to victor.” The difference there is empowerment and recognizing that you have a hand in your reality, which means how you perceive, feel, and think about things. Whenever you point a finger at someone, you have to understand that someone is part of your reality.
The only thing you have control over is how you show up, feel, think, and behave. If you, and I'm raising my hand with you, start blaming others, it means that they're having control over you. Let's say that again. If you start blaming others and pointing the finger at someone else, it means that they're still having control over you.
Whenever you point a finger at someone you have to understand that that someone is part of your reality. And the only thing you have control of is how you show up, how you feel, how you think, and how you behave.
When are you going to take your control back? That's what empowerment is. I don't know if that's related, but I made it up. Empowerment is, “I'm taking my power back. I'm reclaiming my power because even though there are things that are happening around me that I don't have control over, there are things in my past that I didn't have control over. Now, I'm an adult. I recognize that I'm the creator of my reality. I'm in control of how I think, feel, and believe.” Whenever you have control of that, you start creating the results that you truly deserve. Instead of saying, “It's them, not me,” start asking yourself, “How can I grow from this situation? What is a lesson to be learned?”
I remember when I was working in corporate, I had such a challenging manager. I thought about quitting several times during that time. I would be resisting the situation. My ego was up. His ego was up. We had so much tension. I remember walking to my car from the office and thinking, “What am I not seeing here? Why, after two months, am I still struggling with this? What is the lesson that I haven't learned yet?”
That lesson for me at the moment was flexibility. That was such a breakthrough for me. The flexibility of communication and showing up differently. When I showed up the next day, I was a completely different person. Funny enough, I'm not even exaggerating, two weeks after, he was removed from the team. Sometimes, the universe will send you situations based on what you have to learn. When you learn or you feel more in alignment still in that situation, the things that you were struggling with disappear. The key is to show up empowered and to look at the lessons that you are learning throughout your path. Those have been four.
Self-sabotaging Pattern #5: Procrasti-Learning
5) Procrastinate learning. Do you know how many people procrastinate? You may be one of them. No judgment. Full acceptance. Let's look at the facts. I was there for a long time. I've gotten many certifications for my coaching business and subconscious reprogramming tools. For a long time, I was learning and not building on my business. I use all those certifications and tools every single day in my coaching business.
I've definitely run this pattern of procrastinating learning. This is when you procrastinate by learning and you are not ready to take action until you learn everything, how to be perfect, and show up perfectly. You need to break that pattern because you know what you will learn from the most is experience. Everything else we have discussed, what you need is more data to learn. The only way to do that is to show up and mess up.
That's the only way that you're going to continue moving forward with more purpose, wisdom, and fulfillment. As you mess up and continue messing up, you learn more and more. You stop repeating those past mistakes. Those mistakes or those pitfalls are necessary for your growth. We all got to learn more about how to fail forward. Failure has a negative connotation for most people. Failure now, as a business owner, for me, has a positive connotation. Failure is the enabler of success. Without failing, there is no success because how are you going to learn the way to success if you don't fail or mess up?
Stop procrasti-learning. If I'm the first one to tell you this, you are ready to take action in whatever you want to take action on. Do not delay your sense of fulfillment, creating that business and that side project, asking for that promotion, getting that nanny to help you in your house or your kids. Do not delay that anymore.
Self-sabotaging Pattern #6: "What would people say?"
Patern 6) “What would people say if they know I'm coaching?” They would say, “You're committed to your success. That's amazing.” Many of these stories of what people would say are created in our minds. A lot of times, people don't even think that. Sometimes you are driving and daydreaming of the possibilities. Many times, we are nightmare dreaming, imagining the worst-case scenario that people are going to judge us.
What happens if people judge you? They're going to judge anyway. Why not start living your life in your authentic truth, that you're proud of, happy, and you wake up excited every single day? Why don't you start embracing your uniqueness, difference, and magnificence of who you already are? It does take some deep programming to strip those layers of who we have been programmed to believe we are. Most people accept their life. They don't create their lives. You are here in this show because we are all about that creation energy of creating our reality, possibilities, and life. Everything and anything is possible. I'm here to remind you that over and over.
What would people say? That fear of judgment. Let people say whatever they need to say. The important part is that you show up with good intentions, focus on serving, and give your best. We don't have control of the rest. I want to be vulnerable because this is one that I have been working on, mainly posting on LinkedIn, and I know many people incorporate that they're intimidated by LinkedIn. I even thought about making an episode about LinkedIn and the fear of judgment because LinkedIn sometimes has this sense of more structure and more professionalism. It has a different feel than Instagram, which is more relaxed, laid back, and more social.
For a long time, I would be like, “What would people on LinkedIn say if I posted this?” I would do it anyway. It took me a couple of repetitions and doing what I was afraid of over and over to feel more comfortable. I give my best. When I post on LinkedIn, I create a storyline. I make sure that it's value added. I make sure that it's good for me, for others, the environment, and the community and that my intention is good. When those requisites are met, the rest is out of my control. What would people say? Who cares? My question is, “What would you say?” That's the most important question of all. Are you proud of the thing you're putting out there? Is your intention good? Are you doing it from the heart? That's all that matters.
Self-sabotaging Pattern #7: Waiting Until Crisis Hits
The last one, one of my favorite ones, the seventh self-sabotaging pattern, is waiting until a crisis hits or you touch rock bottom to make a decision that is aligned. At the subconscious level, we have been programmed with this pattern to not ask for help until it's too late or we're in a crisis, to not start with a daily routine until we feel we want to cry every single day. Funny enough, I had this client many years ago. I saw her. She's living in London. She completed her MBA. She's living her best life with coaching.
Do not wait until crisis hits until you talk touch rock bottom to reach out to seek help, to get mentorship to look for a coach, or to anything.
She was grateful when she saw me. She's like, “Coaching changed my life.” She has been able to manifest many things. I remember we set a daily practice for her that was meaningful and that it worked. There was a moment when she was struggling. She started doing the daily practice and she started going up. She started feeling much better.
One day, I asked her, “How is your daily practice going?” She's like, “I stopped the daily practice because I feel amazing already.” I'm like, “The daily practice and taking action was such a big enabler to you getting there.” Maintenance is important. Please start doing the meditation again because that's what's going to elevate you to that frequency of feeling good, abundant, or fulfilled. Do not wait until the crisis hits, until you touch rock bottom, to reach out, seek help, get mentorship, and look for a coach to do anything, start a meditation practice, go to an in-person event, or start building a community.
Do not wait until it's too late. Be proactive. Become aware of your decision drivers. If your decision drivers have been pain, that is very common. I have been there. Realize that those patterns of waiting until fear, pain, and crisis hit are not sustainable over time. If you want to fulfill your potential, we’ve got to start running our behavior from a sense of alignment, fulfillment, happiness, abundance, love, service, contribution, and growth.
Those are the things that are going to allow us to live a sustainable, happy, fulfilled, and abundant life. It's all about love. It sounds cheesy, but the more I do deeper work with myself and my clients, the more I realize the truth, depth, and power of that statement. Do it for the love of yourself and the love of serving others. That's the key.
I truly hope you enjoy this episode about the seven self-sabotaging patterns that prevent you from growing and keep you stuck. If you enjoy this episode, share it with a friend. I also wanted to mention that I have one spot opening up in October 2023 for my 1:1 ALIGNED Coaching Program. It is six months. It is highly transformational. I wanted to quickly read the part of the testimonial from one of my coaching clients.
Her name is Kim Le and she's an executive recruiter. We finished working together. She said, “I can say unequivocally, this was the best investment I've made for myself. I'm grateful for us to have crossed paths with each other. Yanet’s guidance has improved my life in every facet. I can see positive changes within myself and the influence I have on the people around me. Every success that I have going forward, I will always attribute it to Yanet who helped me rebuild my foundation in life.” She's so sweet.
She says, “Each day, I wake up feeling excited about my future and believing in my potential.” I talked to her and she was like, “This is the most consistent I've been in my life. I feel happy and fulfilled.” The changes and the transformation that happen in the coaching programs, the whole purpose is to create sustainable change and to create change that sustains even after we coach together.
If this is something that interests you, schedule a free 45-minute Clarity Call. You get to apply to my coaching program. We talk. We understand what's going on. We identify patterns that have been stopping you, and we discuss if we are a good fit for each other. If we are, I would love to be there with you as your guide in this purpose-driven journey. Reach out. Schedule a Clarity Call. If this was an episode that resonated with you, please share it with your friends, family, and everyone. Let's continue building a world and a community of empowerment. Let's continue uplifting each other and spreading the light and love. Have an amazing week. I'll see you in the next episode. Take care.
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