5 Surprising Ways To Boost Your ConfidenceAug 08, 2023
The first step to leading with confidence is living with confidence. But it remains a challenge to many, and that is what holds us back from really achieving our dreams. How can you boost your confidence so you can start claiming the success and happiness that you deserve? In this insightful and inspiring episode, Yanet Borrego shares five surprising ways to boost your confidence. Do you want to know what they are? Tune in and find out!
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5 Surprising Ways To Boost Your Confidence
The Day I Felt The Least Confident
I'm going to tell you the story of my life when I felt the least confident when the imposter syndrome was at its fullest. It was so tough. It was so uncomfortable. I'm sharing this with you because maybe you're going through a similar moment, or maybe you look back in your life and you had this moment, and somehow you have become more tolerant of the things that don't align with you.
After this episode, I want you to make a decision to take back your power and reclaim the powerful person you are because you deserve truly to show up with confidence. You deserve to be authentically yourself and let that light shine. It doesn't matter the environment that you're in. It doesn't matter the situation that you're in in your life, because those situations are the most challenging. Those problems are all temporary. Remember that. They're going to pass.
The moment where I felt the least confident, to be honest with you, was when I graduated with my Bachelor's as a Chemical Engineer and I started working in the oil and gas industry in Houston, Texas. That first year was a huge wake-up call for me because while I was going through my Chemical Engineering degree, I was learning the curriculum given to me, describing all of these topics and matters that I was learning. The only curriculum that I never learned was the one about myself.
When I graduated college, I realized that there was no checklist given anymore. There was no material to study anymore. The path was not created for me. When I graduated, I realized that I had a blank canvas, and now it was my time to create the reality that I wanted to create for myself. There was one big aspect that I didn't have figured out at that time. The most important aspect was who am I. I didn't invest time in getting to know myself.
All those five years and a half, I studied. I got straight As for the most part. I got five internships in the oil and gas industry with major oil and gas companies. It was all about learning about the industry. It was all about learning what engineering was. I work hard. I was very responsible. I was a nerd until my last year of college, where I got to enjoy myself. The thing is like I never got to learn, "Who is Yanet? What does she enjoy? Now that she is done with college, what are the things that I truly like doing? Who am I? What is my purpose in this life?"
I started working that first year as a chemical engineer. I started realizing that engineering for me was not it. The environment that I was in at that moment didn't feel aligned. I put so much pressure on myself to be someone else. I put so much pressure on myself to fake it, to fit in, to try to see how others were acting, and in a way, act like that. It's exhausting. I remember my inner voice communicating to me and saying, "Yanet, you are not in alignment. Yanet, you need to be you." I kept ignoring it. I kept tolerating being uncomfortable not in a good way.
I truly believe in being uncomfortable as you continue growing toward your long-term direction. One that is aligned with you toward your purpose. This uncomfortable was my inner voice and my gut saying, "This is not meant to be. This is not in alignment. Do something about it." I kept ignoring it. I kept tolerating whatever situation I was in.
Here's the thing. If you ignore your inner voice, it will keep coming up. Not only that, it will keep getting louder. It got so loud that it manifested in my physical body. It's so funny how that happens many times. How the stress of not being us, the stress of not showing up authentically manifests for some people as back pain, headaches, and not being able to sleep. For me, it manifested in a way of a panic attack.
My first panic attack ever in my life, I've never suffered it again because I learned that lesson that day. Honestly, at that moment, I thought I was going to die. I know I've told this story in the show before, but in the thought of thinking that I was going to die, I look back at my life and I told myself, "This is not a life, the one that I'm living right now, that I'm proud of. This is not how I'm going to leave this world. I'm going to leave this world when the moment comes, but I'm going to try my best to be the happiest, most aligned, most fulfilled version of myself as I serve the world." Always, my vision and mission for myself have been helping people align to fulfill their highest potential like I was doing for myself and gaining clarity and what my purpose was at that moment.
Investing In Yanet
I had that panic attack, and of course, the doctor was like, "Relax. Nothing happened. This is just a panic attack." For me, that was the biggest lesson. I didn't go back to work. I was like, "It doesn't matter. I'm going to still tolerate more and more." I did the opposite. That day for me was life-changing. It was a big day where I committed to getting to know myself. I committed to investing in who is Yanet. What is my mind? What is my soul telling me?
Taking all the parts of the human being and starting to understand those, behaviors and emotions. That's why I am so passionate for you to learn yourself because it's not until you learn yourself that you realize that every single thing that is happening outside of you is a reflection of everything that is within yourself. Your limiting beliefs, your empowering beliefs, your negative emotions, your bias, traumas, and patterns.
It's not until you learn yourself that you realize that every single thing that is happening outside of you is a reflection of everything that is within yourself.
That's why I'm so passionate about my coaching clients. When we start coaching, we don't start straight coaching, we start with a breakthrough session. A breakthrough session is where they're going to get to know themselves, mainly the things that have been stopping them. We are going to release those things with proven neurolinguistic programming techniques that I've learned for years. I've invested time, resources, and everything else to make sure I am fully prepared to assist my clients so they can let go and move with more clarity and with more purpose.
That's what the breakthrough session is. It's a very in-depth session where for the first time for many people, they get to know themselves. They get to know their blind spot. They get to know those unhealthy patterns that they keep repeating without even realizing. Most of the things that you do, they are subconscious. Your subconscious programming is running your life and you are not even aware of it. Awareness is key, but not only awareness. Once you have awareness, it's taking action to make sure you continue applying those lessons. There is a lesson behind every challenge, behind any scare, and behind any problem.
At that moment, the lesson for me was, 1) Listen to your intuition or inner voice. 2) When you know that there is no alignment, how you are showing up, and where you're at, do not wait until a crisis hits, until you hit rock bottom to do something about it. That realization, which is simple but powerful, and sometimes it's really hard to apply. That simple realization honestly changed my life forever to the point that back in 2021, when I left my 9 years of a corporate career to become a full-time entrepreneur, I did it in a moment in my career where I was shining, when I was doing well. Why? I didn't want to arrive at a moment where I was making a decision out of pain. I wanted to make that decision out of love.
Many times as we go through our life, we are operating in fear, and those are the patterns that we need to become aware of. After I got that lesson, after I got all that scare, I started aligning more with who I was. In order to do that, I needed to get to know myself. I started going to personal development training. I hired mentors. I hired coaches. After that, I couldn't look back at my life because it empowered me to continue finding my true purpose in this life.
In the process of aligning with my purpose, I started realizing the mindset shifts, the behaviors that boosted my confidence at that time. I'm still working on it. It's a lifelong process. These are things that I also coach my clients on. I learned from my coaching clients so much because even though they are different people, even though they are in different positions in their careers, some of them are mothers, and some of them are not, they run very similar patterns.
These five surprising things that you can do to boost your confidence are based on my experience as I've gotten results, but they're also based on the experience of my coaching clients. The data is there. These are five things that some of these, you probably haven't thought about them this way. I'm so excited to talk about this.
Trading Perfectionism For Vulnerability
The first one is trading perfectionism for vulnerability. It's a realization I got in terms of putting it into these labels. Letting go of perfectionism and choosing vulnerability. We have been raised with the idea that being emotional is not good for your leadership skills and communication skills. Many people have decided to put their emotional being aside because of that programming, but also because they are not comfortable experiencing unpleasant emotions. They decide to numb those unpleasant emotions. Here's what happens. When you numb unpleasant emotions, you also numb positive emotions. You also numb the happiness, the fulfillment, and the joy.
We live in a life where the core of life is duality. There is no light without darkness. How would you know what light is without things getting dark? The same thing happens with the human being. There is no happiness without sadness. Experiencing unpleasant emotions is part of life. It's what makes you feel connected within yourself and makes you feel connected with other people. That's part of being vulnerable.
When people think of others being emotional, being emotional is nothing bad. You don't have any bad parts. The things that we need to regulate are our reactions to our emotions. The thing that we need to work on is not believing everything we think and we feel in moments when we are going through challenges or problems. Wait until that storm passes for you to be able to see yourself more clearly.
In order to be more confident, you got to get more comfortable in being with yourself. In order to be more comfortable in being with yourself, you got to connect more with the vulnerable side of you. The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more compassionate you are, the less judgmental you are. Perfectionism, if you think about it, there is a lot of judgment in perfectionism. When you expect yourself to be perfect, you do the same thing with the people outside of you. You expect others to be perfect. That's why you are doing it because you are treating yourself like that.
As I mentioned before, everyone outside of you is a reflection of who you are and how you're treating yourself. Perfectionism does not allow you to live with happiness and with confidence. This is related to confidence because someone who is authentically confident is comfortable with who he or she is. The more vulnerable you become, the more comfortable you become with yourself, and the more you can show up just as you. Instead of thinking that you have to be a perfect human being to get the approval, get the love you deserve, you just have to connect back to who you are and give that love to yourself. What you are expecting from others, you got to give to yourself first.
The more vulnerable you become, the more comfortable you become with yourself. And the more you can show up just as you, instead of thinking that you have to be a perfect human being to get the love that you deserve.
That's what's going to make you way more confident when you are more comfortable with the way you feel about your emotions. That's why this is the first element that is important to work on. Trading that perfectionism that you expect of yourself and others for more vulnerability. It's okay to say, "I messed that up." It is okay to show up vulnerably and simply communicate what you feel.
There is a lot of vulnerability in communicating feedback and communicating boundaries. That's what we're here for. As human beings, we communicate and we mess up. You avoiding any mess-ups is impossible because we are human beings. If you don't mess up at any point in your life, you are not living. I'm not saying messing up like something crazy, I'm just saying the little things.
Even on LinkedIn, there are many times when I have drafted a post and I'm like, "I'm so afraid. I'm going to be judged." That is my opinion. If I get judged, what? People are going to judge anyway. That's my opinion. The whole purpose is that my intention is pure, to help, and to serve. Most of my posts are vulnerable. I share stories. If you're not following me on LinkedIn, follow me. I don't expect perfectionism because perfectionism compared to what? That's the thing. We are comparing ourselves with people around us that they don't even know themselves, to be honest with you. This sounds rough, but most people don't know themselves, and that is the first life task. We got to prioritize getting to know ourselves.
If this show episode resonates with you, I want to invite you to join my free and live masterclass. Permission To Be Powerful: Lead with Confidence and Live with No Regrets. This free class is happening on Wednesday, August 9th, 2023 at 6:00 PM Central. You will learn the strategies and mindset shifts that have helped my coaching clients align with their authentic selves and live a life of abundance and fulfillment. You will learn how to stop faking it until you make it, so you can finally show up authentically. Overcoming comparison and jealousy, effectively communicating boundaries, and also speaking up with confidence.
At the end of the masterclass, I will also share how you can work with me if you are ready to embark on this self-discovery journey. Through my aligned coaching program, I've helped clients accomplish dreams that they never thought were possible like manifesting an executive leadership position and moving across the country to their dream state, attracting their ideal romantic partner, overcoming the imposter syndrome, creating site businesses, and so much more. Again, this free masterclass is happening on Wednesday, August 9th, 2023 at 6:00 PM Central. If you can't make it live, no worries. Sign up because I will be sharing the recording. I cannot wait to see you there. Now, let's go back to the show.
Trading External Approval For Internal Validation
The second one, which is related to this is trading external approval for internal validation. This goes again with us trying to seek other people's approval, other people's love, and making decisions out on what other people think. If people are helping you, great. Something that I highly recommend is being in a place where you get to decide by yourself first, and then you share it with other people. That is exactly what I did when I transitioned from corporate to entrepreneurship.
I remember I was working with Cody, my husband. This was a month after my uncle passed away from cancer. I remember something within myself. It was like a switch went on and I'm like, "My uncle just died. He had many dreams he couldn't fulfill. For the last several years, I've been dreaming of becoming a full-time coach and speaker. I've been doing it on the side already while working this corporate job. I've never done this in my life, but I'm going to make it happen."
This inner voice was the same inner voice that was telling me back in 2013, 2014, "Yanet, this is not in alignment." I learned the lesson back then. I decided to listen to my inner voice this time and make a bold decision, which was the one of transitioning to full-time entrepreneurship and making it happen. When I went inside of me first, I made sure that this was in alignment with my long-term fulfillment. After I made that decision, I then shared it with others. I shared it with my husband and made sure he was okay because decisions also have to be ecological, good for self, good for others, and good for the environment.
Becoming a full-time entrepreneur and dedicating my life to helping others fulfill their potential, that's good for me. I love it. People are immensely capable of anything they put their minds to. I fell in love with helping people overcome any limitations that they experience on the way to fulfilling their dreams. It's good for others and for the environment. We need more people who empower others, who uplift others to feel good and to get results in any goals they want.
Trading this external approval for internal validation is so important. They're major decisions like the ones like leaving a job. I remember when I was in oil and gas when I transitioned from engineering to the supply chain. That was a department I wanted to try because it was more people-oriented and it was more aligned with my long-term direction. Many people thought I was crazy. Many people were like, "What are you doing? That's a step-down." I'm like, "No. I'm confident about this decision. I'm going." Thanks to that I manifested so much abundance in my life, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially, because I was doing what I truly loved.
You cannot assume people around you know what's best for you. You got to take that responsibility because if you don't take that responsibility, they tell you something, and that something doesn't come out as you wanted it to be, you're going to start blaming them. It wasn't them. It was you who decided to trust them more than what you trust yourself. If you trust yourself and you make a decision, and let's think of the worst case, it doesn't go as you wanted, there is a lesson to be there. Every single thing that happens in life, even the most difficult situations, there is a lesson embedded there that you need to learn in order to go to the next level.
Trading external approval for internal validation. Listening to your voice, listening to your intuition, and making decisions from a place of fulfillment and alignment. I'm not saying this is easy. Even for me, many times, it is hard to overcome that programming of people-pleasing and to overcome that programming of they know better. You got to understand, my friend, you already have all the answers you're seeking within yourself. That's the most important part.
You already have all the answers you're seeking within yourself.
You Are Enough
The third way to boost your confidence is going from wanting to impress others to knowing that you are enough already. What I've found with my coaching clients and when I've observed this pattern with myself is that wanting to impress others and people-pleasing comes from a place of scarcity. It comes from a place of us believing we are not enough. Just because we believe we are not enough, we tend to overcompensate by wanting to demonstrate to all that we are helpful, useful, and amazing. When you are enough already, you let go of operating from scarcity and you embrace the magnificence and the power that you have within yourself.
To the point, I love one of my clients. She told me one session, "Yanet, my manager told me how of an amazing job I did during this presentation. It was nice to hear that from her, but I already knew it. I didn't need it." When you are needing that external approval and information that impressed others, that is a sign that you need to work more on filling your cup and knowing how amazing you are.
Let me say something. It is important to ask for feedback from the right people. In the process of getting feedback, you got to understand that getting feedback doesn't mean that you're going to incorporate every single thing someone tells you. It means that whatever resonates with you, if you do introspection and if that makes sense, you take that and you incorporate it into your life. Feedback is a gift. I ask for feedback from clients, business partners, and my husband.
My husband and I have a weekly check-in every single week where we tell each other the things that we did amazingly well in the relationship. We then talk about the things that maybe we need to improve or things that we need more help from the other person. Feedback is great, but feedback doesn't mean that you're not enough. You got to come from a place of, "I am enough of already. Your feedback is great. Your compliment is great. I still feel good about myself." Even when you don't feel good about yourself and you receive feedback, you take it too personally. When you're taking things too personally, it means that you got to fill that cup of knowing that you're enough already.
From Fitting In To Being Authentic
The fourth way of boosting your confidence is going from needing to fit in to being authentic and embracing your authenticity. I remember the first two years of working in my corporate role. I have an accent. If you listen to me, you know it. I remember telling myself, " I'm one of the few people here who have a strong accent. How can I have less of an accent? How do other Hispanic speakers have less of an accent in English?" I was obsessed with these accent things. Sometimes I wouldn't even speak up during meetings because I was afraid of my accent.
Until we were having a community event from United Way. One of the plant managers in the chemical plant back then was French. I remember in one of the promotional videos for United Way, he was talking because my company was one of the sponsors. This guy had such a strong accent that I couldn't understand anything that he was saying. I told to myself, "This guy has such a strong accent and he's in the highest position of this chemical plant. I can't do it."
I saw myself in him and I realized the accent doesn't stop me from anything. I'm not the victim of anything. It's the total opposite. I speak two languages, which a lot of people don't. I came from Cuba, Puerto Rico, and I'm next to people that studied at MIT Georgia Tech. My resilience is there. I'm smart. I'm enough.
Instead of wanting to fit in, I started embracing who I was at the deepest level of authenticity. I started loving my language. I started reframing too. I was like, "Because I have a strong accent, any meeting I go to, for sure, I'll be memorable because people will remember me." In this case, when I was doing my side coaching business, I started saying, "I'm the Sofia Vergara of personal development. I'm abundant. I'm confident with who I am." Reframing your thoughts can be a powerful technique for you to step into who you already are and embrace your authenticity.
From “How Do I Look” To “How Do I Serve”
The last surprising way to boost your confidence is to go from worrying about how look to having the mindset of how I serve. I remember one of my supervisors. This is embarrassing, but it did happen. In my first year of corporate, I was asking him, "Was my email okay? Do you need anything else?" I don't know what it was, but he said, "Yanet, everything does not revolve around you. It's totally fine." At that moment, I was pretty like, "That's it. That's a punch to my gut." He was right. Many times, we are so self-centered, "Are they going to like me? Am I going to impress them?" It's all about I and me.
When you transition from the I and the me to, "How can I serve them?" I do this in my corporate speaking engagements all the time. When I notice myself thinking so much about, "I hope I'm going to be okay. I hope they like the content. I hope they interact. I hope they smile in the audience." When I notice myself worrying so much about me, I start breaking that pattern and I start setting the intention. "I am so grateful that I get to do this speaking engagement. I hope that they get the most value. I hope that every single concept in this presentation is of service. That it serves them to be more uplifted and more empowered."
In my coaching practice, I call it, self versus serve when you transition from focusing on yourself to serving others and to focusing on the intention of whatever thing you are doing. If it's a presentation or a negotiation, it doesn't matter. The intention is always to serve others. The intention is always to create an impact. When you put a lot of power and focus on that intention, you become inspired, empowered, motivated, energized, and ready to go. That was the last surprising way to boost your confidence.
The intention is always to create an impact. When you actually put a lot of power and focus on that intention, you become inspired, empowered, motivated, energized, and just ready to go.
I'm going to summarize it quickly. It's going from perfectionism to vulnerability. Trading external approval for internal validation. Going from wanting to impress others to know that you are enough already. Going from wanting to fit in and needing to fit in to embracing yourself authentically and showing up authentically. Trading the worry of, "How do I look?" for the mindset of, "How do I serve?"
I hope this episode helped you. I did this from my heart because honestly, these are the patterns that I've observed over the years. In the last many years, I've dedicated my life to fully studying confidence, fulfillment, and purpose. I've been coaching people to do that professionally and to fulfill their potential with confidence and authenticity.
If you found this episode helpful, if you had some nuggets, please share this episode with your family and your friends. Help me to uplift more people. Help me and all of us to create more empowerment and hope in this world because we need it. You are a key part of this beautiful movement. Thank you so much for taking the time to tune in. I appreciate it. I hope you have an amazing week. I'll see you soon.
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